It's not hard to find online help for dealing with divorce

Getting a divorce and fighting over custody, alimony and property isn't something couples look forward to, but for many families, it's a fact of life. While technology can't remove the trauma from this difficult situation, it can provide resources to -- at least -- help you better understand the process.

That's the goal behind Family Law Software (www.FamilyLawSoftware.com), a Newton Centre, Mass., company founded by Dan Caine, the author of the income tax preparation program, H&R Block TaxCut.

The company operates an information Web site and publishes PC software that can help you do ``what if'' calculations on the financial implications of divorce.

Caine, who has not been divorced himself, created the company after selling TaxCut to H&R Block, because he wanted to "develop a consumer product that grew on his strengths in the tax and financial areas that `would a make significant difference in people's lives.''

The site has a great deal of useful and detailed information with sections devoted to ``life issues,'' ``legal issues'' and ``financial issues.'' The life issues section begins with a step-by-step description of the entire process from filing a petition to the final judgment.

There are also discussions on ``Who will get the children?'' ``What can I do to get custody?'' ``What will happen with alimony, support, and our assets?'' as well as sections on what you can do to come out better financially, how to deal with your fears and threats from your spouse. Each is broken down into further details, typically for both men and women in those areas where gender is an issue. There is even a short discussion on the effect of your or your spouse's affair.

My favorite section is ``Still working on the marriage'' because it contains advice that all married couples can use, especially partners who are on the fence about whether or not to seek a divorce. In fact, many other areas of the site are worth looking at if you're thinking about leaving your spouse because they provide perspective, including the up and down sides of proceeding with a divorce.

The meat of the Web site is a series of calculators that you can use to determine the specific financial impact of a divorce as well as to calculate property division, one-time alimony buyout, and impact to each party of the sale of your home. You fill out the information online but to get a report of the results e-mailed to you, you need to pay $5 (by providing a credit card).

Another option -- which makes sense if you have a lot of calculating to do -- is to buy Family Law Software program. There are several editions of the software, beginning at $19 for the basic divorce calculators all the way up to $199 for the Deluxe Edition Bundle that includes the entire suite of tools. The Deluxe Bundle also will calculate each party's federal and state income tax obligations and includes additional calculators for determining child support and the value of spousal pensions. There is also an extensive ``financial adviser'' section that helps you better understand the financial consequences of your situation, including helping you divide your property and save money on taxes. You can order the software via CD-ROM or download it from the Web site.

I've long been a fan of Nolo Press, which publishes books, software and Web-based advice for people seeking to help themselves in a wide variety of legal matters. Although not nearly as extensive as Family Law Software.com, Nolo.Com does have some family law resources that are quite good, including several articles and ``FAQs'' (frequently asked questions) about divorce, custody, alimony, and child care and related subjects.

The best way to navigate the site is to browse through the various ``Law Centers'' that you'll find listed in the left-most column of the home page. In addition to sections on divorce and caring for children, you'll also find a ``marriage and living together'' area that also includes information for both heterosexual and same-sex couples. There's even a discussion on the legal issues of ``who gets to keep the ring'' in broken engagements.

The site also sells some excellent legal self-help guides that you can order in printed form or download as ``e-books'' (actually PDF files) if you're in too much of a hurry to wait for the book to arrive. Titles include, Child Custody: Building Parenting Agreements That Work, Divorce & Money: How to Make the Best Financial Decisions During Divorce and Using Divorce Mediation: Save Your Money & Your Sanity.

The introduction to DivorceInfo.com claims that it will "help you survive your divorce'' via the more than 100,000 documents that it says are on the site. One section on "Family Business in Divorce'' discusses what you need to know if one or both partners own a business. There are also pages on "telling the children,'' taxes, coping with the pain and dealing with debts.

The Family Dynamics section of Women.com (www.women.com/family/dynamics/) offers plenty of advice about keeping your marriage together as well as what to do if you're determined to separate. It's a good site to go to if you're feeling angry, frustrated or confused in your relationship or if you're already divorced and need some basic advice on how to deal with your ``ex'' or the kids you have in common.

Sites with resources for dads include "divorcedfather.com'' and DadsDivorce.com both with information about dads and custody and financial matters and links to support groups.

Divorce Central (www.divorcecentral.com) includes legal, emotional, financial and parenting issues with plenty of ``frequently asked questions'' on major topics. The parenting center includes a parenting bulletin board with fairly up-to-date posts and responses as well as a "Children of Divorce Bill of Rights'' that ought to be read, discussed and posted on your refrigerator door. There are also lots of good links to other Web sites.