Life...

Accomplishment

Fred has been struggling all Sunday to repair a leaky sink. Ethel suggests he just give up and call a plumber.

Fred feels threatened. He feels his ability to achieve or accomplish is challenged. But he may not recognize that this is the problem.

Fred knows that Ethel's suggestion offends him deeply. But he's not exactly sure why. So Fred responds by calling Ethel a spendthrift.

Ethel, not knowing what's really bothering Fred, may fight back, pointing out that spending sixty dollars on a plumber is better than losing Fred's entire Sunday -- the family's one day with him. Fred may not have a good rational response, but he doesn't want to give up. So he fights on, perhaps diverting the argument to why the family doesn't need him anyway -- when this is very far from the real issue.

Ethel, who does not see accomplishments such as fixing the plumbing or having a marginally higher standard of living as being all that important, can not understand why her remarks should be upsetting to him.

If Fred could explain to Ethel that his sense of mastery is being challenged, Ethel might understand and back off. Or maybe airing the true issue would give them both a good laugh, after which they would call the plumber after all.

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