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A Spouse Who Idealizes Former or Imagined Romances

It seems that Francis and Evelyn's major problem is Susan. Susan is a woman in Francis's office who Francis thinks is absolutely perfect.

Nothing is going on right now between Francis and Susan, but Francis's daydreaming about Susan is getting in the way of Francis and Evelyn's relationship.

Francis's problem might be that he is afraid of really committing to Evelyn, afraid of intimacy with her. This is so even though he is, of course, married to her.

Francis might be afraid that Evelyn will suffocate him and deprive him of his right to be his own independent person. Maybe Francis's mother had made him feel powerless and insignificant, and Francis does not want to go back to those days.

Francis constantly imagines that some other relationship will be better, in order to avoid really committing to this one.

Francis and Evelyn can reflect on his past and see if this explanation seems to fit. If it does, they can start being aware of things Evelyn may be saying that may be making Francis feel powerless or insignificant.

Chances are, Evelyn herself is not really intending those overtones. By discussing what Evelyn was thinking, Francis can gradually gain confidence that Evelyn respects him, and that she really is not trying to diminish him.

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