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Before Discovery - Hiding and Lying
Once you are hiding an affair, your relationship to your spouse changes.
Example: Erland is having an affair with a co-worker. He has to lie to Wendy about why
he is working late. And each separate lie he tells about each night have to be consistent,
so as not to arouse her suspicions.
He has to monitor who at work might figure out about the affair, and whether they know
Wendy -- or know someone who knows Wendy. He has to watch himself all the time when he's
with Wendy, so he does not spill something.
Over time, the lies may be worse than the affair itself, because they force him to be
tense and distant, and because they undermine the trust that is necessary for his
relationship to Wendy to proceed.
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