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Common Conflicts
The most common conflicts between ex-spouses include:
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Money. Edgar and Teresa both think they are not getting enough
of the couple's joint assets and income. And, compared to the former
standard of living, both are right. Unfortunately, there is no
universal standard of "what is fair," leaving both parties plenty of
room to feel wronged.
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Child's discipline. Teresa is a typical mother in that she has the kids during
the week when they have to get up for school. Teresa supervises
most of the homework. For this reason, Teresa ends up favoring early
bedtimes, little TV, and a fairly strict lifestyle. Edgar gets the
kids on weekends. He has a more easygoing attitude. The kids love
the easy life at Edgar's apartment. When they return on Sunday, they
are usually cranky, wild, and sleep-deprived. They are not ready for
bed at regular bedtime Sunday night. This burns Teresa up, since
she's the one who has to spend extra time putting them to bed. And
she's the one who fights with them when they can't wake up on Monday
morning.
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Television and entertainment. For some of the same reasons,
Teresa really wants to limit the TV. Also, money is tight, and they
can't go out to the movies as often as they used to. Edgar can afford
movies, and TV and movies help him solve the problem of "what to do
with the kids." Teresa thinks (rightly) that Edgar should be engaging
with the kids, reading to them, walking, running or playing sports
with them, and talking with them -- not parking them in front of
passive entertainment.
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Religion. Edgar and Teresa are from two different religions.
This is one of the most difficult issues to resolve, because the
feelings can run so deep, and both members of the couple can feel it
relates directly to their core values and beliefs in life.
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Time with the children. Both Edgar and Teresa want more time with
their children. Again, this is a difficult issue to resolve, because
some experts think that splitting time 50/50 is best for children,
while others argue that it's best for the children to have one
primary base.
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