Law...

Why Mediation Tends to Give More Flexible Post-Divorce Resolutions

The divorce often does not end the interaction between the two of you.

If there are children, you may have a lifetime relationship ahead of you. And there's no way an arrangement you craft at the divorce will continue to meet your needs for the rest of your life.

The children's needs and schedules change. Both of your financial situations will change, requiring changes in your financial arrangements. One or both of you may remarry, changing your abilities with respect both to custody and finances.

So you will have to go back to the negotiating table at some point (and, frequently, at several points).

The process of mediation gets the two of you used to discussing and working things out. It starts you off on your post-divorce relationship. With this foundation, you will be more able to deal with the bumps in the road -- perhaps without even needing paid professional intervention.

The legal process has exactly the opposite effect. It tends to shut down whatever dialogue you had, as the lawyers take control of all communications. It tends to harden attitudes of victimization and demonization that make you more angry at each other.

This anger never subsides sufficiently to allow you to have civil negotiations with each other, as you move through the next stages in life.

So you tend to go back to your lawyers to resolve each thing that comes up. This is expensive. And it tends to rub salt in old wounds and prevent both of you from getting on with your lives.

Email this page on to a friend.

Disclaimer: We are not giving legal advice. No warranties. We disclaim all legal liability. More...