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Adversarial versus Collaborative Approaches
The legal approach tends to be adversarial, whereas the mediation approach tends to be more collaborative.
The more collaborative approach has many advantages: ultimately less painful for
everyone, faster, cheaper, and so on. However, in order for mediation to work, both
parties must be physically, mentally, and emotionally present.
You might want to consider trying mediation if all of the following are true:
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Physical presence. Both parties are willing to try mediation.
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Mental presence. Both parties are willing to think about the custody, financial, and
tax issues.
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Emotional strength. Both parties are willing to stand up for themselves in a
discussion. A good mediator will be able to adjust somewhat for imbalances in presentation and negotiating
ability. However, you must both be willing at some point to stand up for yourselves.
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Rationality. Both parties are able to get enough distance to be rational. Another way
of saying this is that the emotional intensity must not be so strong as to prevent
calm, rational discussion by both parties.
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Fairness. Each party wants the outcome to be fair to the other party, as well as to himself or herself.
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Listening. Each party is willing to listen to proposals by the other party.
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Articulateness. Each party is able to express himself or herself. We believe
that
the program
should help each party articulate his or her position.
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Priorities. Each party can articulate and understand his or her own priorities. This often provides
a solid basis for discussions that can lead to a settlement.
If these things do not apply in your situation, then you should get lawyers, instead of a mediator.
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Disclaimer: We are not giving legal advice. No warranties. We disclaim all legal liability. More...
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