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The Good Divorce, by Constance Ahrons
HarperCollins, 1994, 301 pages.
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The buzz:
Presents a statistical and sociological argument that divorced
families can be healthy for parents and for children, and often are.
The book is based on a study of 98 families, beginning in 1979, and
interviewing both spouses at the 1, 3 and 5 year marks. The families
were mostly white and middle class; all were residents in and around
Madison, Wisconsin.
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The author:
The author, at the time the book was published, was a Ph.D., a
therapist, a woman who had been divorced for 29 years (and remarried
for much of that time), and a professor of Sociology at the
University of Southern California.
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Topics covered:
- A categorization of divorced couples into "perfect pals," "cooperative
colleagues," "dissolved duos," "angry associates," and "fiery foes."
- Discussions that characterize divorce as a normal part of our
lives, not as a shameful trauma.
- Approaches to your ex-spouse that can leave you with a more
harmonious divorce.
- Dealing with remarriage and all the new relationships.
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Difficulty:
moderate
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Sidenotes:
The author, an academic in the field of sociology, is
very interested in how language influences attitudes and behavior.
Thus, she advocates using the term "exspouse" rather than
"ex-spouse," to emphasize that this is a relationship that stands on
its own in the present and future, not only as a reference to a past
relationship.
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Key insight:
Divorced families can be healthy for both parents
and children, and often are.
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Read if:
You are depressed about hearing how people who are
divorced are from "broken homes," or if you want more detail about
the material covered clearly, briefly and helpfully in Craig and
Sandra Volgy Everett's book "Healthy Divorce."
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