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Help Your Child Deal With His or Her Feelings
Hugh and Janice know that their children are dealing with some pretty
overwhelming feelings.
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Help them cope. By articulating what they see the children
feeling, and responding to those sentiments, Hugh and Janice try to
help Calvin and Helene deal with feelings of rejection, humiliation,
unlovability and powerlessness. For example, Hugh says, every week,
it seems, "I left because I could not live with your mom, but I love
you and want to be with you as much as I can." And Hugh's actions
bear him out.
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Be civil. Hugh knows that his civil relations with Janice helps
the children. It gives them an environment free of anger over the
divorce, so they can concentrate on school, friends, and the issues
of growing up.
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Relieve guilt. Janice thinks guilt is Calvin's way of assuming
control over the divorce. She thinks that Calvin believes the
divorce happened because Calvin tried to have
Janice all to himself. Helene may feel that
if she had been less trouble, then her parents would still be
together. Hugh and Janice reassure both children again and again that
the divorce was not either of their doing.
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Look for depression. Be alert for the
signs of depression
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