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How to Communicate Honestly
Here are some tips for communicating honestly.
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Talk. Talk about how you feel, and about everything you want to get in life and in the
relationship. Don't be embarrassed. Hold nothing back.
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Express Negative Feelings. Talk about things that bother you at the moment -- don't let
resentments build up to the point where they become real problems.
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Avoid Attacks. Speak in a way that focuses on your reaction, not on your spouse's faults. Jack
can say, "I feel out of control when the house is a mess." Or even, "I really like it when the house
is clean and I don't feel comfortable otherwise." Jack should
not
say, "you're a lousy housekeeper,
Millie."
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Know That Quiet Does Not Equal Content. Recognize that a party who is quiet may be suffering, not
happy. If you catch a remark that may signal unhappiness, don't let it pass. Patiently tease out
the underlying resentment or concern. Don't let resentments build up to the point where they may become
real problems.
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Know That Appearances Can Be Deceiving. Jack may think he is the hurt one, or claim to be the hurt one,
but he may be one who is hurting Millie. For example, Jack may be totally driven by his work. When Millie complains
to him about not being around, or even has an affair because of this, Jack lashes out at her. Jack
complains that Millie hurt him. Jack's point is true enough. But appearances are deceiving. In truth,
it is Jack's neglect that was the root of the problem.
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Compliment the praiseworthy in your spouse. It's the oldest advice in the book, but it's good
advice. Jack can help turn things around just be being conscious of the things he values in Millie, and
telling her so, on a regular basis.
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Disclaimer: We are not giving legal advice. No warranties. We disclaim all legal liability. More...
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