Life...

Mirror Some Important Relationship

Here are some common kinds of situations which can be repeated in the next generation.

• Barbara was a caretaker for her ailing, or irresponsible mother. She ends up in a relationship with an irresponsible man, for whom she is the caretaker.
• Barbara's father was a corporate type, but he never did well enough, and Barbara's mother always used to berate him. Determined to avoid that situation, Barbara married the exact opposite, an artist who didn't care about material success. But Barbara finds herself thinking he should stop dabbling and make something of himself.
• Barbara had an emotionally distant father, who she always wanted to reach. Now she has an emotionally distant spouse, who she is trying to reach.
• Barbara's father had affairs during Barbara's parents' marriage. Now Barbara suspects that Robert is having an affair, and her suspicions are so unbearable that Robert is in fact tempted to look elsewhere.
• Robert and his weak father formed an alliance against Robert's domineering mother. Now Robert, himself married to a domineering woman, is forming an alliance with his daughter against Barbara.

You can look for patterns that may be unhealthy and that you may have repeated by reflecting on the following relationships:

• The relationship between your parents.
• The relationship between your parents and their in-laws.
• The triangles between your siblings and your parents.

The variety of possibilities here is very wide, and this is an activity perhaps best undertaken with a therapist.

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