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Preparing for Negotiations
Here are some tips to help you prepare for your negotiations.
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Identify your spouse's key needs. Listen and try to understand
what your spouse needs, financially. Francis knows that Kristin's main
need is to be with the children, and to have enough to live on until
she gets her real estate license and her client base going.
Kristin knows that Francis needs to have enough money to pay for his apartment
and, painful though it may be for Kristin, to support a possible
second family.
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Understand your own needs. Distinguish your "wants" from your own
"needs." Francis would like to have custody, but he recognizes that he
does not need this. Kristin would like to be able to afford vacations
and new clothes, which she used to have, but she realizes that she
can live without them.
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Find common ground. Plan to start first with the things on which you can
agree. Francis and Kristin will agree immediately that Kristin will have custody,
with Francis to have substantial visitation. They will agree that Kristin will
live in the house, and split the proceeds on sale.
They can agree that Kristin will have to sell the house not later than the end of the year
in which their youngest child graduates high school. Then they will move
gradually to the more difficult areas of child support and alimony.
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Anticipate the compromises. In advance, try to put yourself in your
spouse's shoes and imagine the compromises your spouse will accept.
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Be accommodating. Try hard to mentally give your spouse everything you
don't need. You'd be amazed how often this attitude engenders a similar
attitude in response.
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Prepare your lawyer. If the lawyers are also present, let your
lawyer know in advance, and concisely, the dynamics of your marital
discussions. That way, your lawyer knows what to expect.
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Appraisals. For appraisals, some strategists suggest that you
try to get high figures for the assets you think your spouse will most
want. Try to get low appraisals for the assets you most want. Or, try
hard to work with your spouse to get "neutral" appraisals of all items.
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Disclaimer: We are not giving legal advice. No warranties. We disclaim all legal liability. More...
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