Life...

Party Who is Left

• Shocked. Gloria is unprepared and shocked. Gloria's initial reaction is to think that Eric, who asked for the divorce, is reacting to a trivial incident or trivial things. In fact, Eric has been meditating on these issues for a long time, and he is not leaving because of one small incident.
• Worthless. Eric's leaving makes Gloria feel about two inches tall. She feels unlovable. Gloria may wallow in this feeling for awhile, but eventually, she needs to fight it. Gloria can turn to friends and family in this effort.
• Hurt. Gloria feels hurt and betrayed.
• Desperately hopeful. Gloria wants to get the marriage back together, somehow. She should know that pressuring Eric to stay together might have the opposite effect.
• Depressed. Gloria is going through a period of being depressed and feeling simply unable to move. This is not uncommon. Therapy can help. Also, many women report that their work gives them a newly-renewed sense of self that saves them. Men tend to recover through introspection and understanding of the marriage. Again, therapy can help.
• Angry. Gloria is not just angry. She has feelings of wild and uncontrollable rage. She wants to retaliate against Eric. Should she deny him access to the kids? Get a lawyer to take him to the cleaners? Fortunately, Gloria is strong enough to resist these urges. They will just make her hurt worse in the long run. Gloria leans on her good friend Barbara, venting for hours. After listening sympathetically for a long time, Barbara actually helps Gloria see Eric's point of view, and that helps Gloria immeasurably.
• Pensive. Gloria has gotten to thinking, to understand that she was no picnic to live with. Gloria begins to understand and accept that she contributed to the breakdown in communication in the marriage.
• Victimized. Gloria feels like a victim. Fortunately, though, she talks herself out of it. She assumes her share of responsibility for her predicament. This will make her stronger going forward. It also makes it easier for her to be an equal participant in the negotiations that are to come. Instead of throwing herself at the feet of her lawyer, Gloria takes her place at the table. This helps Gloria have an orderly divorce and move on, not a bitter, messy divorce that drags her down for years.

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