Life...

Problem solving

Herman wants to "solve" problems. June wants to solve them eventually, but also just to talk about them.

For June, talking about problems establishes the relationship with Herman, by sharing thoughts, opinions and values.

Suppose June mentions a problem she is having with her mother. She knows there is no easy solution. She just wants to talk about it, to explore the options.

Herman, not realizing this, and without looking up from his newspaper, proposes what he sees as a solution. Now Herman is done with the subject, and he thinks June should be done as well. But June wants to keep talking.

The result?

June feels insulted, because she thinks he was rejecting her bid for a closer marital relationship. Herman also feels insulted, because June did not accept his solution, thus implying that he did not have mastery over the situation.

Neither intended to insult the other. They just needed to understand their different approaches to problem solving.

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