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Provide Structure
Nathaniel and Patricia know that, with so much of their life torn apart, the
children need structure in their post-divorce life.
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Be there. Nathaniel picks up the children Friday night at 6:30, and he makes it a
sacred trust to be there at 6:30 on the dot, no matter what is
happening at work on Friday afternoon. He lets everyone at work, and
clients as well, know that this is a commitment he must keep. If,
despite everything, he is running late, he calls Patricia to let her know.
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Respect homework and bedtimes. Nathaniel is tempted to let a party
atmosphere prevail in his apartment. The kids don't want to go to
bed or do their homework, and Nathaniel thinks they get enough of that
with Patricia. But he adheres to the rules about these things that he
and Patricia negotiated. This is smart. It gives the kids continuity
and structure and an important sense of stability.
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Don't bribe the children. Nathaniel resists the temptation to try to
bribe the children by being lax about TV, good diet, and other
parental priorities. He knows that, although the kids will seem
happy in the moment, this will backfire in the long run, as the
children will eventually conclude that he doesn't really care about
them.
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