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Remember Who is the Parent.
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Do not lean on the child for emotional support. Sharon longs to
be comforted by somebody, and her son Sam offers comforting words. But
Sharon knows that relying on Sam for support beyond his years might
actually shake her own self respect. It also might actually make her
jealous of Sam's competence. Also, children need parents, and she
does not want to deny him his turn to be a child.
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Do not let the child take care of you or the home, too much.
Sharon would love for Sam to take care of the storm windows. But
she knows it's too much for a child of his age.
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Do not spoil the child out of guilt. Sometimes, Sharon wants to
let them skip homework, eat junk food, and totally relax, because
they've been through so much with the divorce. But she doesn't,
because she knows that the divorce has, if anything, given them even
more of a need for a firm parental presence and structure in their lives.
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Don't use the child to bolster your own self-esteem. Before she
goes out on a date, Sharon nervously looks around for assurance that
she looks great (or if not great, then at least all right). She sees Sam
and her daughter Helene, and she's dying to ask them what they think. But she
looks again in the mirror and holds her tongue. She knows that it
would confuse the children and give them too much power and authority if
she were to look to them for approval.
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If possible, try to be positive and optimistic about the amount
of time the child spends with each of you. Sharon's ex-husband Butch
tells the kids how
lucky they are to be spending five days with Sharon and two with him.
To listen to Butch, you'd think that was an improvement over the
nuclear family. If not too forced, this is good. It allows the
children to feel comfortable in their new lifestyle.
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Do not let the child be too involved in or aware of your own
sexual life. Sharon knows that, if her daughter knew that she and a date
had spent a couple of hours at a motel, she might feel pressed to
emulate Sharon, for a couple of reasons. Sharon's daughter wants to be like
Sharon. And her daughter might want to behave in a sensual manner to attract
her father back.
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Disclaimer: We are not giving legal advice. No warranties. We disclaim all legal liability. More...
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