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Self-absorbed
The feelings surrounding the divorce are overwhelming.
Bert and Estelle each become inescapably self-absorbed. As a result:
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Bert and Estelle are determined to reclaim themselves. They think
back on who they were before the marriage. Each tries to rid himself
of the blaming, demanding, critical voice of the other. With
courage, each will be willing to step out again into the world.
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They spend time alone. At some point, Estelle uses up her
allotment of friends' time. Anyway, she wants to be alone to cry and
to think. Estelle can profit if she can use this time to grow. Bert
is not really verbalizing his distress. True to his gender, Bert is
dealing with his emotions pretty much alone. But if out of this
meditation comes growth, Bert will be better off as well.
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The kids run a bit wild. Inevitably, bedtimes, homework, baths,
etc., which are so draining, go out the window, as Bert and Estelle deal with their own feelings.
Estelle rationalizes that "the kids will be better if I can get some
time alone to recover." Unfortunately, it's usually
not
that way; the kids need
constant parenting, and without it they suffer. To the extent
possible (and sometimes it's simply not possible)
the parents should continue to take care of the kids' routine needs.
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