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Step-father
When Kimberley marries Arnold, Arnold becomes a step-father.
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Be ready for trouble with boys. Kimberley's daughter is more
amenable to a new stepfather than is the son. Boys strongly resent the
new man "replacing" their father. The son may also be reacting
against the new man replacing him as the man of the house, and
replacing his relationship with his mother. It's the Oedipal
reaction again.
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Attraction to daughters. Step-fathers often find themselves
attracted to the adolescent daughters of their new wives. Arnold finds
Helene attractive. He's not sure whether he's allowed to admit it to
himself. He's tempted to react by severely limiting her social life,
to show her that he's against any sort of adolescent social activity.
But he instead lets himself be guided by Kimberley. He does admit the
attraction to himself, but he keeps it to himself. Sometimes, he
wants to pick a fight with Helene, just to prove that he's not
attracted to her. But he does not do that, either.
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Ease into discipline. Arnold's position is ambiguous. As a man,
he thinks he should be the key disciplinarian. But the children are
virtual strangers to him. He's unsure of his role. And he is
wondering how good a parent he will be to these children. Some men
react to these uncertainties by jumping into the role of strict
disciplinarian right away. Arnold makes what is usually a better
decision: he decides to ease into it. At
first, he lets Kimberley continue to make and enforce the rules, as she
has been doing. Then, very gradually, as he gets to know the
children and understand what they need, he may assume some
responsibilities. He knows that it's better to never get there than
to jump in too soon.
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Develop separate relationships with the children. Arnold knows that the children
have to develop a separate relationship with him. At first, he is
just a man who happens to love their mother and happens to live with
them. But, through a thousand tiny loving and helping
transactions with the children, he builds a separate relationship
with the children. Only then does he will become a part of their
family, in their eyes.
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