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Techniques For Managing These Conflicts
Here are some techniques for managing these tough issues:
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Find neutral parties. Bring in a neutral third party such as a
therapist or mediator.
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Get it in Writing. Specify as much as possible in writing, so there are fewer
misunderstandings, or different recollections of what was agreed.
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Understand your marriage. Try to recognize when your fights are replays of issues from
within the marriage. Go back to understanding your marriage to try
to deal with these issues in the post-divorce context.
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Play fair. Recognize that each spouse has a power base.
Typically, the husband has more money. Typically, the wife has her
relationship with the kids. Try to avoid using your
power base to hurt the other person. Men, try to avoid withholding
agreed payments, no matter what the provocation. Women, try to avoid
withholding the kids (unless your ex-husband is abusing them).
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Bend in the wind. Ultimately, it is usually better for the
child that these issues be resolved, even if you think the resolution
was not as good as it could have been.
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Split the difference. In some cases, e.g., discipline, children
apparently can get used to two different parenting styles in two
different homes. But try not to return your children to your
ex-spouse in worse shape than when you got them.
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Disclaimer: We are not giving legal advice. No warranties. We disclaim all legal liability. More...
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