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The Children's Feelings In General
Here are the children's most common emotional reactions to the
divorce. Look for the signs. Your job is to react with
understanding, compassion, and attentiveness.
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Fear. Children fear losing the love of their parents, since the
parents lost each other's love.
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Guilt. Children feel they are the cause of the breakup -- though their
particular behavior rarely if ever is. (Sometimes, simply having a
baby in the house will trigger a breakup, but that certainly is not
the child's fault, and he should be told that clearly and often.)
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Money worries. Children worry about their economic security.
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Anxiety. Children are anxious even if they did not have a good
or strong relationship with the departed parent.
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Idealization. If the father has left, children tend to idealize
him. They need to have a father in their lives, and if necessary
they will invent one.
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Anger. Similarly, children will express anger at the mother,
regardless of the reality, perceiving that it was she who drove their
father away. Anger is an outlet for the pain. Anger is also an
outlet for fear. The child makes himself powerful by being angry and
violent.
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Depression. Repressed anger can result in depression, anxiety,
phobias, obsessions, and nightmares.
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Regression. Some children of all ages regress to an earlier
(and safer) time.
Children's strong feelings of abandonment and anger about the divorce
can last for 5, 10 or more years. Children need to recognize their
parents as human beings who can make mistakes. Children have to
forgive their parents, and also to forgive themselves for getting
angry at them. Parents have to help the children reach this point.
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Disclaimer: We are not giving legal advice. No warranties. We disclaim all legal liability. More...
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