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We Are Afraid of Being Hurt We may not communicate honestly because we are afraid of being hurt. For example: Neil avoids family events because he feels he can never measure up to Amy's father, who is a corporate vice president. Neil feels diminished by the implicit comparison to Amy's father whenever he goes over there. But to avoid admitting that, Neil blames something else, like Amy's sister's chatter. What Neil says is unreasonable -- Amy's sister is not that bad. Amy reacts to the unreasonableness of what Neil says, and they fight. Neil, afraid of being "discovered," digs in, and maybe even half convinces himself of what he's saying. Positions harden, and honest communication becomes impossible. If Neil had been able to admit his fear of being hurt, Amy could have assured him that she does not want Neil to be like her father, and they could have moved on.
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