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Why People's Relationships With Their Mothers May Matter

Psychology theory holds that people's relationships with their mothers are particularly important in their adult relationships.

Here is the reasoning as to why this might be so:

The mother-child relationship is the infant's first relationship. It brings, at first, total care. Then, it brings a separation. As the baby first experiences separation, the baby has some fear that it will be abandoned. This is natural. Usually, the baby gets over it pretty quickly.

But if the mother-child separation was experienced as being particularly difficult, this fear is likely to be greater. The child is likely to be left throughout his or her life with feelings of insecurity and a fear of abandonment.

Then, as the child goes through childhood, it is the quality of the mother's love that makes the child feel basically lovable (producing a secure adult) or basically unlovable (producing an insecure adult).

Falling in love as an adult has the quality of total devotion that was the baby's first experience of the mother. This is the first time since birth that we may have this feeling of total mutual devotion.

So it is natural, the theory goes, to have an expectation for the romantic relationship that it will be similar the mother-child relationship.

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