Based on what you have seen on television and in the movies, you might imagine that you will have a day of drama in court, to tell the judge all about your spouse.

Ninety-nine times out of one hundred, you would be mistaken.

In most states, you and your spouse (and your respective lawyers, mediators, accountants and other professionals) work out the financial details yourselves.

The judge then simply reviews and signs your agreement. In many states, the judge will be reviewing only to check that the agreement is not terribly one-sided, that the parenting plan for the children is reasonable, and that child support is adequately provided.

That is, the judge won't involve himself or herself in the emotional part of your marriage at all, let alone come to conclusions about who betrayed whom, who is responsible for the divorce, and who is the worse spouse or parent.

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